Most of my life I had a feeling that I could easily fit into the new group of people. In a recent situation life decided to throw me a „curve ball“. New city, new people, new environment. No familiar faces. In the beginning everything went nicely. But soon the first obstacles appeared. As time passed, the obstacles were became more and more frequent. When I realized being good and polite wasn’t working I tried to adjust. But being subtle and being direct gave a similar result… No matter what I tried nothing seemed to work. I felt stuck. Sounds familiar?
As I tend to overanalyze things, I give some topics a lot of thought. Too much for my own good. What I have reflected on a lot recently was the reason I left my old job. In the July of 2014 I’ve attained my master degree in aeronautical engineering at the university of Zagreb, Croatia. I had great plans and a vision for my future career. Find a job, move out, step by step become a great “someone” and earn a lot of cash. But that’s the idea we all have at that point in our lives, right?
Soon after few months of resting, things started developing. I have applied for a marine engineer position and in the beginning of 2015 I’ve started working. It was challenging to obtain different knowledge and a set of skills that are different from what I learned in college while pursuing my aeronautical engineering diploma. During the three years in a big corporation I’ve matured A LOT! Solving engineering problems with various people with different backgrounds while meeting the deadlines was probably the best experience I could have at the beginning of my career. I’ve learned the power of communication and to think outside of the box. Being thrown into the fire has its benefits.
But also its drawbacks. While I got used to dealing with engineering problems pretty easily, I never had the idea that the real challenges lies in dealing with people and environment. Each day would bring a new obstacle. After some time there was a feeling it will never end. I’ve started doubting myself. And analyzing. Overanalyzing. And while doing that I was trying to prove myself by doing more than what was expected and needed. As you could guess, no one noticed. Nothing in life is free. If you want to learn, you have to pay the price.
After about year and a half I noticed that I was not growing in a direction in which I had imagined myself. I’ve tried changing the system with subtle suggestions or even using a more direct approach. Nothing seemed to work. At the end I’ve turned to sarcasm as a mean to an end. Again, no one noticed. Well some of them did as they liked the humor behind it. But crucial people didn’t. And nothing changed. At the end of 2017 I’ve decided it’s time for some changes… and than continued working for another year. Where nothing changed. Surprise, surprise…
In December 2018 I decided it was time for THE change. My parents are not getting younger, my private life has taken a toll because I was of living at three different addresses and I started to feel like I’m stagnating. I was trying to grow in a vacuum environment. The money was just not worth it. By then I was aware I can’t change the environment and the only constructive thing left, was to quit.
I was scared but I knew the only resource not renewable was time. With that in mind I started analyzing. Again. It took me some time to realize that we weren’t a good match to begin with. Things they did, I would have done differently. Things that they had said, I wouldn’t have said. The approach they took, wasn’t the one I would take. The choices they made, were not the ones that I would make. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising that environment. I am analyzing the reason I couldn’t fit in.
If the problem wasn’t the money, if it wasn’t the environment and if it wasn’t even the people, what was the problem then? Suddenly it became clear. We didn’t share the most important “thing” – a SET OF VALUES. A set of values defines the culture and the culture defines behavior. You either belong to a certain culture or you don’t. Staying in a culture I didn’t belong to, for me presented compromising my values. And that was the step I wasn’t ready to take.
Be #bold #courageous and #curious. Life is too short for anything else.
#setofvalues #values #changes #quitting #beginning